Bugsy the Clown: Part 11
I’m dreaming, dreaming of a thousand better lifetimes in a single moment. Sleep is usually something I look forward to, anything that may bother me during the day suddenly vanishes from my thoughts when I swim in dreamland, that is, when I don’t have nightmares.
Oh! Look at this … I’m in a subway train … the lights are nice outside. I look across from where I’m sitting, I see her. It’s Holly, I think it’s her. She smiles at me and that makes me feel good, her smile makes me feel at ease. I look a little further down and see Marlon having fun with some ladies, he’s laughin’ but he takes the time to look at me and give me a smile and a wink. Jeremy and Mee Lien are playing cards and they’re laughin’, havin’ a good time. There’s Uncle Leo with Mom passin’ by and … … now we’re on top of some sky scrapper, he’s showing us around the city. It’s cool the places he brings us to … WAIT! Where’s the train? I’m confused but I overhear Uncle Leo talking to Mom and he’s very serious, discreet but to the point.
-”Your boy. Margaret, don’t tell me you haven’t seen the bruises on his arms!
-Leonard! Stay out of this! I told you, he gets into fights with kids at school!
-Fights at school huh! Margaret, your boy’s very capable of defending himself against guys his age … I ain’t ever gotten bruises like that in my worst fights! What about your bruises? You get into fights with those kids’ moms?!
-Leonard!
-Margaret, You gotta’ leave that filthy son of a bitch, I don’t care what mom and dad say! I won’t let him-”
Uncle Leo gives me a stare and a smile, I don’t think he wants me to hear all this. He continues on a lower tone.
-” … I won’t let him … fuck my nephew up! He’s a good kid, he doesn’t deserve being treated like shit!”
Mom is looking at the ground and isn’t saying a word.
-”You could come and stay with me, I could take care of you both. You’ve gotta’ get outta’ there.
-I can’t, he’ll find us and it’ll just be worse …”
She starts crying and Uncle Leo tries his best to comfort her. I wish we could live with Uncle Leo, I’d like that, he’s never hit me, even when I stepped all over his garden and ruined a lot of his vegetables.
What’s that?! Somebody just tapped me on the shoulder. Everything goes dark. We’re not on top of a sky scrapper anymore. I turn around. NOOOOOOOOO! Don’t Dad! Don’t hit me! I’m sorry! I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to do it! No! No! OW! OUCH! NOOOOO! AH! Stop! Plea- eas- eeeeaaase … plea-
It’s dark, it’s cold.
I wake up in a single bound. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe! My heart is pumping and thumping like crazy! I run to the bathroom, I feel dizzy and I lose my balance almost all the way down. I switch on the light, I’m as pale as the walls around me and I’m dripping a cold sweat. I feel like he’s still choking me. I splash some water in my face and I fall to the ground. I start to catch my breath
… it was just a nightmare, just a nightmare.
I start to cry intensely. How could he have treated me like that? Was I a bad kid? I cry and lay on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom. I think I had a panic attack but I’m not sure, it’s not the first time this happened though. I think each time, I had a nightmare about him …
I cry … until I fall back asleep.
