Bugsy the Clown: Part 18

   These past few days have been full of emotions and worrisome thoughts. I need to exorcise some demons. I head to the gym, it’s a few blocks from Jeremy’s place, he trains there during the day and on week-ends I usually train with him. We do a bit of sparring, some rope jumping, some speed-bag and hit the training bag and that is usually my favourite part, that’s where I let it all out. I imagine my father or Shan’s face on there … sometimes it’s some jerk that cut me off or lacked any ounce of courtesy, a politician, a lawyer, … it feels good to smash the corrupts’ faces in.

   Having lots on my mind these days I seem to hit the bag with a lot of ferocity and Jeremy’s having a little trouble keeping the bag in place which I’ve never seen before.

   ‘Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Easy Bug! Geeze! What did you eat?! Or better yet, what’s eating you?! You’re gonna’ sprain your wrists! You’re really aggressive today …’

   He looks back towards the ring, a small cornered smile creeps in at the thought of what took place a little earlier. 

   ‘… Jim was a bit wobbly after the sparring.’

   I step back and take a breather and walk around in circles, puffing like a locomotive goin’ uphill. I look at my feet stepping one before the other, I feel like sending one straight into some fucker’s face. I want to hurt someone, beat someone up and make that person hurt and pay for everything I have on my mind. This bag training isn’t satisfying me anymore, Kung Fu is not such a source of outlet anymore, Shan pisses me off just by the sight of him. This anger is boiling up inside and I need to find some way of letting it out.

   ‘Brandon … something you need to talk about man?’

   I raise my head up, Jeremy steps away from the bag and taps me on the shoulder. There’s so much on my mind and every day seems to add to the pile and the baggage gets heavier and heavier and I can’t seem to lighten the load.

   ‘Whatever’s on your mind man, my father always use to say … and he was a religious guy and even though I’m not, I still think this makes sense … ‘Give me strength to accept that which I cannot change, and courage to change that which I can.’ Now I don’t know if there’s someone up there listenin’ to us … but I guess there’s no harm in thinkin’ it, or sayin’ it. Now I know you aren’t the most talkative fellow, heck you rarely do talk … but I can tell something’s eating you up … and I’m here for you, to lend an ear if you want to talk man.’

   Jeremy’s a good friend, scratch that … a great friend. I cherish this friendship. But I can’t say or share these things I have on my mind … I can’t tell him about my father or what Shan did to Mee Lien … those things are so private … so shameful.

   ‘I’m just … a little on edge this week. I got a little anger to let out. Let’s get back into it.’

   He looks at me and I know he can see I’m holding these things back, he’s known me since I was a munchkin. He nods and I can tell he’s disappointed and worried at the same time but he reluctantly gets behind the bag again and goes along with it, in turn hiding his emotions, putting on a mask. We all put a mask on at one time or another, some more than others.

   ‘Alright, give it your best shot Bug!’